understanding conscious uncoupling
Understanding Conscious Uncoupling
Conscious uncoupling is a process of separation that encourages self-reflection. In this Buzzle article, we will understand what the process involves and how one benefits from the same.
Did You Know?
This concept is said to originate from a psychological phenomenon called 'object relations theory'. This theory was developed by psychoanalyst Melanie Klein and was applied to couples therapy to understand relationships better.THE MEANING
Conscious uncoupling refers to the conscious and deliberate act of separating or uncoupling from a relationship and in doing so, making a conscious effort of looking inward, rather than playing the blame game. Divorces, breakups, and separations usually end up being messy affairs owing to the tendency of both partners to find fault in each other and hold the other responsible for the crumbling and eventual downfall of the relationship. Doing which, not only has an effect on the couple itself, but severely affects their children (if any) as well.
What this process chooses to do instead, is separate in such a manner that it spares everyone the added emotional turmoil that is brought about by bitter fighting, arguments, and blaming the ex. While this is a commendable way of looking at the process, there is an even more noteworthy phenomenon that conscious uncoupling carries forth―it encourages the couple to take a reflective stance towards the role that they themselves had to play, which led to the eventual disintegration of the relationship and them as a couple.HOW DOES IT WORK?
Seeing as how it is a rather radical way of thinking, it is not as easy as it seems. The tendency to blame the other and find fault in their actions is common and expected. In such a situation, it requires a phenomenal shift in perspective to be able to look inward, analyze one's rights and wrongs, and at the same time not be bogged down by what one discovers.
According to psychotherapist, Katherine Woodward Thomas, conscious uncoupling should not be looked upon as a failure of a relationship or the inability to carry forth one successfully, it should, instead, be taken as an opportunity at self-improvement. To analyze that the things that irked us about our partner are not a reflection on them, but rather understand why they affect us the way that they do. When we learn to question these concepts and analyze our own actions and reactions, our thought processes become clearer, and we begin to consciously change. And this makes us equipped at not repeating the same mistakes in the next relationship that we get into.
If there are children involved, then conscious uncoupling is the most ideal way to split without causing further stress and trauma. Moreover, because children learn by imitation, they will get an insight into this rather mature way of handling a relationship and a breakup.