funny quotes and sayings
Best Funny Quotes and Sayings
Going through some funny quotes will surely lighten up your day. Not many people have the ability to laugh in the face of difficult circumstances, but those who do are the ones who are most successful. This article lists some of the best funny quotes.
Humor is a great weapon, and reading quotes about life and everything that goes with it can serve us well. It is said that the best gift that you can give someone is the opportunity to laugh. Many of us are regularly bogged down by a multitude of problems and worries, and these funny sayings can make us temporarily forget all our anxieties.
About Life
Life is tough, and the sooner you get used to it, the better it will be for you. Instead of worrying and fretting over things that are out of your control, try seeing the funny side of things.
- Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- God, if I can't have what I want, let me want what I have.
- Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
- Those are my principles, and if you don't like them, well.... I have others.
- When you get to my age life seems little more than one long march to and from the lavatory.
- You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.
- Honesty is the best policy. But insanity is the best defense.
- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
- Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
- They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take a chance?
- I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and stare at it for hours.
- The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.
- People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.
- I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
- I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
- Conway's Law - In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
- Ham and Eggs - A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.
- Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman.
- All men are not homeless, but some men are home, less than others.
- The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
- Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.
- Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
- If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
- There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
- Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least 5 years to the age of their best friend.
- Brigands demand your money or your life, women require both.
- Girls have an unfair advantage over men; if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
- A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
- You can't put a price tag on love. But you can on all its accessories.
- I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
- If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
- Don't make love by the garden gate. Love is blind, but the neighbors are not.
- Man loves little and often. Woman much and rarely.
- While money does not buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
- Love is blind. Friendship tries not to notice.
- The best time to make friends is before you need them.
- Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
- A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling.
- I cannot forgive my friends for dying; I do not find these vanishing acts of theirs at all amusing.
- True friends stab you in the front.
- Evil will always triumph over good, because good is dumb.
- Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.
- Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the War Room.
- You might be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater.
- You know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music.
- If I'm not back in 5 minutes.... wait longer.
- It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.
- Join the Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
- I don't have to take this abuse from you. I got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.