short hilarious jokes
Short Hilarious Jokes
Over the years, I've heard my share of hilarious jokes. In the following article, I've included my personal favorites that perhaps you may or may not have heard before...
When we're in a good mood and the day has gone quite well, it doesn't take much to make someone laugh. We've all heard the saying, "Laughter is the best medicine". I am a firm believer of this saying. Whenever I feel lonely or sad, I generally like to watch comedy movies or read some funny jokes online. I don't know what magic they do on me, but my mood gets elevated and I don't worry or think about the bad stuff. Maybe you are like me and also love a good laugh once in a while. And if not, you can always try to make someone else laugh or smile, just so their day can get a little bit more pleasant. Well, if that's what you're looking for here, then perhaps the following one liners might do the trick.
Hilarious Jokes
You don't have to go or think too much to make yourself or someone smile. Our everyday words can do the trick pretty well. Have you ever wondered what certain words actually mean when you say it in front of people? Well, if you want the definitions, then you've got to read these.
- Gentleman ~ A by-product of six generations of good breeding, or one good estimate at the stock market.
- Lecturer ~ Someone who talks to you in your sleep or makes you sleep.
- Adultery ~ Wrong people doing the right thing.
- Divorce ~ When two people can't stomach each other together.
- Pajamas ~ An article of clothing placed beside the bed for when there's a fire emergency.
- Love ~ An intimate feeling that happens more than once.
- Jealousy ~ Another intimate feeling that develops for everyone.
- Husband ~ Sweetheart, would you say that I'm the only man you've ever loved? Wife ~ Of course, you are! Why do all men ask me the same silly question?
- Dying wife to her husband ~ I know you'll marry again someday. She will live in this house and sleep in our bed, and use my dishes. And that's alright. But I want you to promise me something. Husband ~ What's that honey? Wife ~ I don't want your 2nd wife to wear my clothes. Husband ~ Alright I promise. Your clothes won't fit Betty anyhow.
- A husband was having an affair. His wife kept getting more and more suspicious, and finally spoke to her maid about it. Wife ~ I have a suspicion that my husband might be having an affair in his office. Maid ~ Go on! You're only saying that to make me jealous.
- A man in a pub had a hangover from the night before. Man to bartender ~ Can you get me something for a hangover? Bartender ~ What do you want? Man ~ Anything that's tall, cold, and filled with gin. Another drunk man ~ I'll hit you if you don't take that back. You are talking about the woman I married.
- Jennifer ~ Charlie asked me to marry him and make him the happiest man in the world. Ashley ~ And which one of these you decided to do?
- A man writing in his diary ~ I am an ideal man. I don't smoke, drink, or visit nightclubs. I have always been loyal to my wife and don't flirt with strange women. I sleep at eight o'clock and wake up early. I exercise daily and work regular hours. But all this will change as soon as I get out of prison.
- Mechanic to his customer, for next car appointment ~ Will it be a $25 tune-up or $500 overhaul?
- One man to another ~ Are you a psychologist? Other man ~ Why do you ask? 1st man ~ You are a psychologist.
- Eve ~ Is there another woman in your life? Adam ~ Who else?
- Cop to a little boy ~ Which of the 2 men fighting in the street is your father? Boy ~ I don't really know. That's what they're fighting about.
- Height of dentist's achievement! His patient coming out of the clinic with a smiling face, with "No Teeth". ~ Maisie M
- Doctor to patient ~ I've had the chance to treat a few cases like yours before. So let's just hope I get some sort of luck this time.
- Patient ~ I have a feeling that there are 2 of me, Doc. Doctor ~ Okay, tell me again. And this time, both of you don't speak at once.
- Doctor ~ I think you should stop taking sleeping pills every night. You may get addicted to them. Woman ~ Don't be silly. For 25 years, I am taking them every night and they haven't become a habit yet.
- One night a Doctor got a call from a man. He said it was very urgent. Man ~ My mother-in-law is lying at death's door. Could please come over and help me push her through?
- Patient ~ I think I suffer from memory loss, Doc. Doctor ~ I see and how long do you think you've had this problem? Patient ~ How long have I had what problem?
- Two fathers-to-be were pacing the floor in the waiting room of the hospital. 1st father ~ What tough luck. This had to happen during my holiday? 2nd father ~ You think you have problems? I'm on my honeymoon!
- A rude tourist was looking at paintings in a museum. He didn't find anything interesting and turned to the attendant while pointing to a large frame. Tourist ~ (making an ugly face) Is this what you call art? Attendant ~ No sir, this is what we call a mirror.
- A beggar approached an affluent city gentleman on the street and asked for a handout. Gentleman ~ Certainly not! I never hand out money to anyone on the street. Beggar ~ What do you want me to do then? Open an office?
- A fat man was seated on a bus. 2 women were sitting opposite to him, eyeballing him. 1st woman ~ Now if that stomach was on a woman, it would indicate pregnancy. Man ~ (overheard them) Lady, it was and she is.
- At a formal dinner, an absent-minded professor sat next to a charming woman. Woman ~ Professor, do you remember me? You asked me to marry you some years ago. Professor ~ Yes I remember. And did you?
- Question ~ Why do you think God chose to make Adam first? Answer ~ Because apparently, he didn't want any advice.
- Question ~ Did you hear about the woman who got married 4 times? Answer ~ 1st - Millionaire. 2nd - Famous actor. 3rd - Well-known minister. 4th - Undertaker.
- Santa called Banta from a telephone booth and said "Hello" before Banta could pick up the phone. Still Banta could hear Santa. Why? Because they were sitting in the same booth. ~ Maisie M