funny relationship quotes
Funny Relationship Quotes
Relationship sayings don't have to be serious or philosophical all the time. They can be hilarious or just outright funny. Here's a collection of some quotes that will tickle your funny bone.
- "When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows." - Frederick Ryder
- "Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off." - Ralph Bus
- "All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems." - Shelley Winters
- "My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates
- "Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla." - Jim Bishop
- "You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty." - Anonymous
- "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Groucho Marx
- "Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them." - Ogden Nash
- "Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." - Oscar Wilde
- "There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that." - Steve Martin
- "Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it." - Anonymous
- "A girl can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." - Cher
- "I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you." - Anonymous
- "When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." - Sacha Guitry
- "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." - Henry Youngman
- "A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing." - Duane Dewel
- "Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife." - Groucho Marx
- "My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe." - Jimmy Durante
- "The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things." - Jilly Cooper
- "Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control." - Diana Jordan
- "The more I know about men the more I like dogs." - Gloria Allred
- "You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy." - Erica Jong
- "An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." - Agatha Christie
- "Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name." - Joan Rivers
- "If a woman insists on being called Ms, ask her if it stands for miserable." - Russell Bell
- "Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?" - Rita Rudner
- "Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." - Albert Einstein
- "Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house." - Jean Kerr
- "If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married." - Katharine Hepburn
- "Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." - Charlotte Whitton
- "What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce." - Mark Twain