"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." This quote by James Baldwin sums up in one line "the gist" of the parent-child relation. Parental concern for their little ones is common to all mothers and fathers of this world. Then, how come adults, as parents, end up conveying something totally opposite to what they mean to say to their kids? For the care and affection to be visible through their actions, parents need to understand certain nuances of the interaction that they have with their little angels. It is not just the toys and gifts given by you that make them happy, but it is rather the soft words and reasoned behavior that bring them closer to you. It is when parents act thoughtfully, anticipating the child's peculiar behavior. They would see to it beforehand that the child does not knowingly or unknowingly behave in an improper manner, rather than scolding him/her later on. It is when people tend to react (mostly by showing anger) as a response to the misbehavior of their child. In this case, parents are annoyed or get angry at the child's rebellious behavior, which puts them off. Thus, they simply react at such an instance by screaming, scolding, yelling, or even threatening their kids. Proactive Style: Parents, knowing how to handle themselves while handling their kids, help in forming a healthy relationship with children. This bonding between parents and kids may, however, not always be strengthened by doing things in their favor. Balancing the perks given to them with the previously set rules is the key here. Regular and healthy, small talks enhance the trust in this relationship, which also therefore gives the parents an "obvious to see" right to advice and direct the kids at times. Also, simple things like parents talking about what they are going to do next, or if they have a plan to go out for some work, etc., helps in bonding, as the kids feel involved in their lives as equals. Reactive Style: It is difficult to see a friend-like relation in the reactive parenting case, as kids do not experience the warmth sometimes. Anger reflected from the body language also acts as a major factor in creating a distance between the two. Miscommunication or the lack of it gives rise to lack of trust and mutual respect, misunderstandings, and a broken image of a relation that is, in reality, very close to their hearts. Stress from the daily routine finds way while pointing out simple mistakes of the children. A father or a mother losing his/her temper over a child's disobedience to their orders simply aggravates the problem. Screaming or yelling at them is of no help. They, in turn, shout back at you, as they see no logic in your behavior. ✦ It is definitely advisable to decide a set of rules regarding the dos and don'ts and consequences of not abiding those. Please involve children in this process too. ✦ Understanding the "why" of the teenagers' behavior helps a lot in acting proactively as a parent. Reasons for their abrupt dialogs at times are simply due to mood swings. ✦ Trying to think of instances when you yourself did the same as a child and thinking a child's perspective might help in keeping your cool in times of a fight. ✦ Introspecting a little on what kind of childhood memories do you have and why? Parenting does not come to us right after the birth of our child. It is an attitude that we have built over years, which has a link to how we got along with our parents as we grew older. Taking tips and lessons from those memories is the natural and best way to plan a strategy as a parent. ✦ Also, sharing some of your funny memories as a child can bring a smile to an upset face. ✦ Never forget that kids imitate you! So, if you want them to learn all the good stuff, be sure that they see you doing it all. ✦ Imitation is also a source of the drive amongst the youngsters to become independent. This is not an easy transformation for them physically and psychologically. So, don't hesitate in setting them free. ✦ Interaction with kids needs to be very creative. If they ask you countless questions every day, (instead of getting exhausted by that) you question them back and you can find answers together. ✦ Know what they love doing the most, something that makes them get up from their bed even if they are sleepy. Remember that's the key to their hearts. ✦ Parenting is not just about the values you wish to inculcate in your child. It goes beyond the good and bad; it is much more about knowing, acknowledging, and accepting the real personality of individuals (not just adults!). Bringing up kids is surely nothing less than a herculean task; add to it our choices, beliefs, influences, societal pressure, likes and dislikes of the kids, our temperament at the moment, and much more. Wishing all the parenting heads out there lots of success and happiness. After all, children came to our lives to make us happy!