40th birthday jokes
40th Birthday Jokes
Looking for some 40th birthday jokes? Let me guess, your chum is turning 40, and you are thinking of giving the old fellow a nice time by pulling his leg on his birthday! Well, we have just the gags you need, but for that, you have to scroll down.
You are approaching your 40th birthday ... yet another step in your life, when all of a sudden, the past 39 years seem to blink as a mere memory.
People go on with their day-to-day lives, and the next thing they realize is, they are soon turning 40. The span of over three decades seems to have passed off in a snap. Life passes by us that fast!
Birthdays are times when you get to slow down, take a breather, and prepare for yet another phase of the journey called life. So, if your friend is embarking on this journey, why not help them celebrate the occasion with a good time of laughter and merriment.
For that, we have put together some hilarious and thoughtful 40th birthday jokes in this Buzzle write-up.
*Most of the jokes put down here have been collected from various sources.
Birthday Jokes for Men Turning 40
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When you turn 40, and if you get two invitations to go out on the same night, then you got to pick the one that gets you home the earliest.
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You know you are 40, when suddenly it dawns on you that you were built for comfort and not for speed!
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Bob - "Hey Billy, you did not thank me for the dictionary I got you on your birthday. Didn't you like it?"
Billy - "It was great, but just that, I could not find the words 'Thanks' and 'Moron' in it."
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You know you are 40 when the only weight-lifting exercise you do is standing up!
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Patient - "Doctor, whenever I eat my birthday cake, I get this nasty heartburn."
Doctor - "Have you ever considered eating the cake without the candles on it?"
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Bob - "Hey Billy, my birthday is around the corner. Have you thought of a nice gift for me?"
Billy - "Yeah, but I am not sure how to wrap a life!"
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At 40, the most common phrase you will find on birthday invitations you receive are, "No gifts, please!"
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You know you are 40 when you are offered a place to sit on a bus; even more, when you take the offer.
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When you turn 40, you finally start appreciating the music in the elevator!
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I am not 40, I am 39.95 plus tax!
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If you turn 40 and still want to be called young, then better become a tree!
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When you turn 40, remember this -- if your food tastes good, then spit it out!
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Albeit you are 40, you can still do those things which you wanted to. So, tuck in that shirt, tighten that belt, straighten that hair, pucker those lips, and put your adult kids up for adoption!
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Boy, it took me 40 years to look this good?
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40 -- it's all fun until it happens to you!
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At 40, if anybody says that you are no longer spring chicken, then poke them with your nose, and say out loud, "Cluck You!"
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Whenever you tend to get petrified about turning 40, just relax ... you are not a fossil yet!
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At your 40th birthday, the main problem for you is to get the last candle lit before the first one starts melting all over the cake!
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How do I know that you are half nuts? My brother is 80, and he is completely nuts. You are 40, so you do the math!
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What scientists are ignoring is the fact that more than cars and freezers, it is the people turning 40 and 50, who are adding to global warming; thanks to their choked-with-candles birthday cakes!
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When you reach the age of 40, don't sulk but be grateful. If you were a horse, they would have shot you 20 years ago.
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What's always "step one" in any exercise program designed for 40-year-olds?
A: Get off the sofa.
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Sam's girlfriend was turning 22 and his father, 40.
He bought his girlfriend a bottle of perfume, and his father, a shotgun.
While wrapping the perfume, Sam wrote a note to his girlfriend, which said, "Use this generously all over yourself and think of me."
Unfortunately, Sam left the note on his father's present.
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We know that wisdom comes with age. You see, you don't have all the signs of aging!
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Life begins on your 40th birthday. But so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.
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A husband thinks of buying his wife a life insurance policy for her 40th birthday. However, the coming year he doesn't get her anything. So, the wife asks, "Why didn't you buy me a birthday present?" The husband replies, "Well, I was hoping that I will be getting the returns of the investment I did for you and buy you a gift. But see, you are still healthy and smiling!"
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40 is the ideal time to start smoking like a chimney and drinking like a fish! Why? Well, these habits won't have enough time to hurt you!
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A dozen people at 40, sitting down and having a conversation, seems like an orchestra playing music with their coughing, sneezing, and heavy breaths!
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It was the 40th birthday of a dentist, and many of his friends were invited. His wife had made a surprise cake for the day. So, she blindfolded him and led him to the table where the cake was placed. As soon as the blindfold was removed and the dentist looked down, he broke down into fits of laughter seeing a huge cake in the form of a denture having 40 teeth! His friends asked him the reason for his reaction. The doctor collected himself and wiping his eyes, said, "I am thinking about my friend who would be turning 45 next month, and he is a gynecologist!"
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On John's 40th birthday, his pretty blond wife invited all his friends. She also invited a ventriloquist to the party. During his performance, his puppet said, "Hey, John, isn't it just great? (John - What?) Your investment in the health insurance has finally started to pay off." All the guests burst into a crazed laughter, except the wife, who exclaimed, "Hey mister, your joke was a bit offensive to me and my husband!" Ventriloquist - "I apologize for this Mrs. John, it won't be repeated." Wife - "I am sorry, I am not speaking to you. I am speaking to the puppet!"
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Wife to husband on her 40th birthday - "Do you see that guy?"
Husband - "Yeah, who is he?"
Wife - "40 years ago, I refused his marriage proposal and till now he has been drinking like crazy!"
Husband - "Wow! That's a long, long celebration!"
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At 40, you will be asked to slow down by your doctor, more than by the police.
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When you are 40, you no more care where your wife goes, as long as you don't have to join her!
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You know you are 40, when you feel you can only do either of the two -- going upstairs or making love.
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On his 40th birthday, a man takes his two children to an ice cream parlor. There he noticed a lady staring at his kids curiously. The boy was black, while the girl was blond. The lady continued staring. Finally, she couldn't resist herself asking, "Those are your kids?" "Yes, they are!" the man replied. With a little hesitation, she asked, "Are they adopted?" "Yes," he replied. "Well, I thought so," she concluded. "I figured you're too old to have kids that small."
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Billy - "Bob, turning 40 isn't that bad you know?"
Bob - "What do you mean?"
Billy - "I mean, if you are in, say, a hostage situation, the odds of you getting released are higher than people younger to you. Come to think of it, you need not worry a bit, when you turn 90."
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If age brings wisdom, then buddy you need to get back to school and redo all that your teacher taught you!
Leaving you with one last 40th birthday gag ...
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It's Joe's 40th birthday, and on this day every year, he wakes up early and gets ready to play golf with some of his old friends. So, Joe gets ready, kisses his wife, and goes outside. To his dismay, he finds that the weather is gloomy and not suitable for playing golf. He comes back, gets back to his bed, and lies down snuggling his wife. He softly tells his wife, "It's very gloomy outside. It may rain today!" Wife says - "Is it so? How stupid of my husband, he has gone out to play golf with his friends!"