characteristics of a controlling personality
Characteristics of a Controlling Personality
Have you ever felt that your actions are being entirely controlled by your partner, or the person you are with? Do you often change your views and plans according to the wishes of someone else? If the answer is in the affirmative, you could be dealing with a controlling person. The article to come, points out more factors that define controlling people.
Controlling individuals are concerned chiefly with their own interests, are immature at heart, and are likely to restrain you from leading a satisfying life if you are closely associated with them. Such a manipulative personality has its roots in troubles that deal with narcissism, an antisocial nature, stubbornness, borderline personality disorder (BPD), or histrionic personality disorder (HPD).
Although these people need help, one needs to be sure whether the person really has a controlling personality to begin with. With the objective of keeping yourself from getting embroiled, or to wake up realizing that the controlling person is the one with the problem and not you, here are the major behavioral aspects that such people may demonstrate. Based on this, you can either get help for them, or deal with their mood patterns before their problem becomes yours.
Possible Signs
Larger-than-life Image
People, who have a controlling personality always project themselves as victorious or heroic. More often than not, they will try to gain attention by telling exaggerated tales of supposedly "overcoming battles" in life. Secretly, these people believe that they deserve the attention and admiration and expect compliments from you on a regular basis. The story ends when they receive the appreciation, even if it's superficial.
Shades of Green
A controlling person tends to be extremely jealous. He/she will keep asking you about the people you meet and the amount of time you spend with them. He/she will also demand the reasons for spending more time than required with a particular group. In the beginning of the relationship, such people may not show this trait, but as time passes, they will get jealous of your colleagues, or even your best friend. They will dictate to you about the kind of people you are supposed to meet. Pangs of jealousy and the kind of conditions your partner imposes are sure signs that he/she wants to control your life.
Mood Swings
Everyone goes through a bout of mood swings at some point; however, the problem with control freaks is that their mood swings are vehement and persistent. They know that tantrums and irrational behavior will certainly give them the spotlight that they crave for. Moody people show signs of suddenly sulking in spite of being a part of a happy occasion. However, when it comes to controlling people, they will throw a tantrum when they believe that their needs are not being fulfilled, thus compelling the other person to do what they want, or pity them.
Reaction to Questions
People with a dominating personality often get frustrated when posed with simple questions, like when and where to meet up, what they want on their birthday, and the like. For basic questions like these, they expect you to know their wants and needs well enough to put them as a priority over your personal requirements. They also get quickly flustered about questions they don't have an answer to. In situations like these, they often end up lying instead of telling the truth. The reason for their irritated responses to what seems like a normal question to you, is wanting to be the ones with the questions as opposed to presenting answers. Being the one to question means controlling and steering the wheel in a conversation -- something that they are comfortable with.
Incapability to Take "No" for an Answer
This quality gels well with all the pushovers out there, because controlling people are known for doing things their own way. Making decisions for others is what such people pride themselves for doing. Sometimes, this quality does take a serious route when they start threatening you on hearing a firm "no." This is an indicator that you should end the relationship, and stay clear from this person -- this will taunt his/her ego, so watch out. The only time such a person might allow you to take your own decision is when he/she knows it is not going to work out, hence blaming you for the consequences later.
Destructive Criticism
On the personal front, you will often find yourself talking, speaking, and even dressing the way these people want you to. This is mainly because they cannot stand the attention shifting to someone who is, say better looking than them. If you are getting showered with compliments, they'll pull you down with their sarcastic comments -- what they might call "honest" remarks -- by stating that everyone else is just lying. They feel threatened by the appealing nature of their colleagues or friends, and often encourage their peers to wear unflattering makeup, or a dress that will make them (control freaks) look better, comparatively.
Short-tempered Nature
Be prepared if at all you muster up the courage to disagree with them because if you do, you are bound to be on the receiving end of their fury, ranging from crude and sarcastic, to screechy threats and displays of violence. When you do not abide by their wishes, all they think is that you are questioning their authority, and hence they choose to throw tantrums by shunning you, or lowering your confidence by their behavior.
Unable to See Others' Happiness
One of the major characteristics that such manipulative personalities display is that these people cannot stand their friends' or colleagues' success stories. Often, they themselves do not have close relations with anyone for the same reason. Their desperation to be the center of attention wherever they go, is frequently evident by the fact that they keep themselves surrounded by people, who consider themselves to be less attractive, or unsuccessful.
Insecurities, the environment of one's upbringing, or a tragic past, often play a role in a controlling person's need for dominance over others' lives. If a person of this nature is your friend or a colleague, avoid him/her at all costs. If he/she forms an important part of your life, such as your partner, or family members, whom you cannot walk away from, do your best to convince them that they need help, and try to be their support system. Especially in the case of love, it is definitely not about controlling someone's life to the extent of driving them up the wall. So, if you are in a relationship with a person who suffers from a similar disorder, don't ignore it until it is too late.
Life is all about the choices we make. To have a happy life, you need to choose the right path. Do not worry about not meeting the right person, or having a perfect set of friends; the best is yet to come!