1 13 2005 64113
How to be Friends After a Breakup
To be friends after breaking up a relationship is one question that is quite difficult to answer. It's easy to say "Let's be friends", but is it really possible? Let's find out.
Well, different people have different perspectives, and by looking around, it has been seen that friendship with your ex is quite possible. However, if you have been in a bad, abusive, and tense relationship, it is better to look forward and forget your past. However, if you have had an amicable breakup and you still want to be in contact with your ex, you can follow these steps to build up a future relationship, which you can cherish all your life.
Give yourself some time to heal. After a breakup, it is very important that you give yourself cooling off period. It is very natural to feel grief, resentment, and humiliation. Therefore, you need time to pull yourself together.
Try to understand your feelings
Any way you slice it, but one does tend to sink one's emotional energy on the person they love and when the ties with that very person get severed, equations turn acrimonious and irreparable.
Don't force yourself into something that you are not ready for and definitely not when you are still environed with negative feelings for your ex. Remember one thing―you can't create something new if your slate is full of chaotic lines; it needs to be like a featureless mind, undisturbed and unaffected by previous experiences. Being friends with your ex shouldn't be intricate as such because before you became someone's boyfriend/girlfriend, you were first their 'friend'. But matters of heart are rarely that uncomplicated, right? So, step one is to take stock of your feelings and then think about making any move.
Breaking the ice
Once you have made up your mind and your emotions are in your control then start establishing the new friendship. Start out by sending a text message. This will help you know if he/she is ready to have any conversation with you. Remember, tardiness in replying, indifference, and abrupt answers can be expected initially, but if your ex doesn't show any signs of thawing, then consider it as a red signal and stop then and there itself.
Even if your ex takes to your friendly overture in a positive way and suggests the same by replying to you, it doesn't mean that things will be all hunky dory like earlier times. It is just that your ex has put all those bitter feelings behind him/her and is ready to be on a friendly term with you.
Things to remember when conversing
Have an easy conversation and close by saying that you enjoyed talking again, and hope that you can do it again soon. As time goes by, you can continue to work on this part to a point where you might ask him to join you and a group of friends for a night-out or to a party with mutual friends, if that's okay with him.
Don't force him if he doesn't want to because he might not feel comfortable going out with your friends. If you have common friends, you can ask them to organize something for you so that you two can meet up and try to smooth out the relationship. Make sure that it cannot be construed as a date, unless of course you have ulterior motives.
Points to avoid
While you are together, try avoiding topics that are hurtful. Avoid getting into confrontational conversations and steer clear of blame and accusations.
If your ex is dating someone, then no matter how tempted you are to probe him/her about their new partner, don't broach the topic unless they bring it up themselves because he/she may not be that comfortable to talk about them yet.
Remember to give the whole procedure some time. Be patient and don't expect it to happen overnight. However, you also have to bear in mind that this relationship is also a two-way street. If the other person is not willing to try a friendship, then you cannot do anything about it, and it will be wise to forget it and be happy that at least you gave it a whirl.