A quote to sum up today's dating culture:
"Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them."
― Margaret Atwood
There are many self-proclaimed experts out there who will urge you to suck it up and approach a hundred women. But as many of us know, it's easier said than done. Approaching a girl, forget complimenting her, takes more than just inner courage; you need a good opening line as well. On the surface, compliments can appear non-threatening to those making them in the first place. However, for the person receiving them, it can be a different story altogether.
Some guys believe that a particular comment sounds incredible in their heads. And if they are spoken out loud, an innocent situation can go horribly wrong in a matter of seconds. With all these hassles along the way in order to woo or impress a girl, there has to be some way to figure out how a compliment should be given. Well, of course, there is. As you read the rest of the article, you will find 7
different scenarios (and a bonus!) that will help you understand when and how to compliment a girl without being awkward or creepy.
Giving a Compliment is not Rocket Science
Everyone deserves to hear compliments, but that doesn't mean the receiver of the said compliment has to fall head over heals for the one delivering them. It can just be a comment about something a guy notices in a girl, and wishes to acknowledge them. On the flip side, if you are trying to score some points with a girl, clever compliments are definitely the way to go, buddy.
Creepy - Have too many drinks, stare at her, and then say, "I love your womanly curves." *wink*
Valiant - Make playful eye contact for 15 - 20 minutes, then walk up to her and say, "You are absolutely gorgeous and I'm guessing that's the least interesting thing about you."
Approaching women is tough, especially in situations where you can't always walk up to her and strike a meaningful conversation. Parties are an effective social setting that provide you with ample opportunities to meet women and just hangout. So, if you want to establish a healthy chemistry with her, remember that you can flirt with her in a nonthreatening manner. And, our example of a valiant compliment surely gets the message across. You want her to feel comfortable with you while approaching her out of the blue, and basically expecting a positive response.
Creepy - Sit across from her in a meeting, and later walk up to her to say, "Your eyes are mesmerizing."
Valiant - Say, "You have a freckle on your nose. Did you know that? It's really cute."
It's not always the exact words or a compliment that decides whether you're being creepy or not. In fact, not many men realize that it's a situation and how
you choose to state the comment matters as well. Working in the same department or organization gives you ample opportunities to strike up 'normal' conversation topics. You bump into her outside the elevator, at an office party, a meeting, or perhaps a project; all these scenarios can be used to get to know her well and
not feel that you're unnecessarily coming on to her.
Creepy - Don't take this the wrong way, but you look better without makeup.
Valiant - Invite her to a study session and confess, "You haven't worn makeup all week? You are gorgeous!"
The first comment is not just awkward to hear, but sounds insulting as well. The moment you say "don't get offended" or "don't mind me saying this", it drives us straight to how-can-he-say-this-to-me-I-have-to-defend-myself mode. A girl knows where she's strong along with the flaws. Don't always resort to saying that she's beautiful; she knows that, most of the time. Transfer your attention to things like the hundred little things she does because she's a kindhearted person, or about her how well she paints/sings/dances. The main point is to notice things in her and making them apparent to her that you have in fact noticed them. So, even if you do stick to saying something nice about her dress, it comes out in a genuine manner.
Creepy - Utter something like this: "I wonder why (friend's name) never introduced us before? We'd look great together."
Valiant - Be genuine and say, "You've got very loyal friends, you must be good company."
Talking to a friend's friend can be tricky. So, the first lesson will definitely be not
to be overly self-confident; that's never an ideal way to make someone else feel better about themselves. A compliment should be concentrated on the other person and not on you. But if you do want to include yourself in there somewhere, reveal something personal, yet relevant to the topic, from your life into the conversation. And the second lesson will be to hangout with her in a group until she feels comfortable with you without the others. The more she sees you being yourself, open and friendly towards her and others, your compliments will be well-received.
Creepy - Working on something together? Never say, "Wow, you're smart for a girl."
Valiant - Use this line instead. "I like the way your mind works."
She's your friend. Surely you can do better than that. You have the inside advantage of truly knowing who, what, and how she is on the inside. Being someone's friend means having an inside route to their life experiences; and that's where you need to draw the inspiration from. A boy and a girl can be friends, but when you utilize the right words, there are chances of being something more than just friends. Plus, looking at the brighter side of this 'friend' deal, you can use your honest compliments to tell her that you'd perhaps want to move out of the friend zone once and for all.
Creepy - She hands you the drink and you reply, "Too bad this coffee won't get me drunk. I'd be all over you by now."
Valiant - Go with, "I was hoping you'd be the one to make my drink. It's exactly the way I like it."
You realize that she's getting paid to be nice to you? Perhaps she greets everyone nicely, or makes doodles on the cup sleeves for other customers as well. However, that doesn't mean you can't become a 'special' customer who comes in for a cup of coffee. If she's not attending another customer, strike a conversation with her and talk about something other than her current work; share your stories. Slowly start non-order conversations and compliment her about her work, school, or any other topics she discusses with you. When you derive compliments from previous conversations, she'll know you were listening and not pretending. Plus, you'll get major, major
points for the feat.
Creepy - Be uber weird and say, "I don't have a library card on me, or I'd check you out right now."
Valiant - While you're standing across from her, say, "I bet your smile brightens everyone's day, just as it made mine."
This example may not work on everyone. Better yet, the bravest of all moves here would be to give her your number (along with a good opening line) and hope for the best. Technically, you have nothing to lose. If she doesn't call you, you may not see her again, ever. But if your compliment strikes a cord, then hooray! Another way to get her attention is by making suggestive eye contact and giving her a non-threatening smile. If
, and that's a big 'if', people, she gives you a positive response, swoop in with your dashing smile and a sweet compliment.
And, if all else fails ... try this instead.
Some men, perhaps unknowingly (fingers crossed), give insults wrapped in what they think are compliments. For example, saying things like ...
- I like how you don't obsess with the way you look.
- You look beautiful with straight hair.
- You have a pretty face.
- Have you lost weight?
- You look so great today.
No, no. Please, to whomsoever god you may believe in, don't ever say such things to a girl thinking it's a compliment in any way.