Parenting isn't easy, it requires endless patience, understanding, and empathy to be good at your job. At times, it is quite natural to get angry and frustrated, while trying to balance the responsibilities of being a parent, with your other demands and interests. In your anger, some hurtful and terrible words may slip out of your mouth, which can not only leave your child feeling hurt, but also frighten her and affect her self-esteem. The trick here is to remain calm so that you don't end up saying something you might regret later. Most parents do not know how to control their emotional outbursts and often end up screaming or shouting at their children without realizing that such incidents can not only have a negative effect on the upbringing of the latter, but can also spoil their relationship with them. Learning to control your emotions will help you tackle any situation with ease and make things run more smoothly at your home. Good parenting goes a long way in instilling positive values in your children, thereby preparing them for the future. In this Buzzle article, we have listed few wrong and insensitive things you should never say to your children, as well as ways that will help you communicate with them in a positive way, without hurting their feelings. Denying your child's feelings and emotions can be very confusing for her. When your child is upset, do not try to suppress her emotions by saying something like, ''Don't cry'', or ''Don't feel bad", as this will interfere with her growth and cause problems later in life. Do you think telling your child not to cry, or worry will stop her from feeling sad and calm her down? No, she will feel more upset and continue to worry even more. For example, telling her not to worry about the first day of school, will not lessen her anxiety, in fact, she will continue to worry even more. And if you do not understand her and ask her to bottle up her feelings, she may get frightened thinking that some emotions are unacceptable, or shameful, and hence, should be suppressed. In the long run, this can affect her emotional well-being. This seemingly harmless phrase can actually be interpreted in a very different way by your child. If you tell her not to do a certain thing, she is going to do everything in her power to prove she can actually do that! Using threats to enforce discipline will prove to be a futile effort. Threats can only make your child fear you, they are not going to make her respect you. Sometimes you get so angry, that you yell at your child, or threaten her by saying "You won't get dinner", or "I'll throw you out of the house". But, is it possible to do so? No. Because, threats are hard and impractical to implement. This can raise questions on your credibility, and the next time you threaten your child, she is not going to take you seriously. We all know that praising and encouraging your child, can help instill confidence and boost her self-esteem. But praising her for every little thing can make it meaningless. It could also refrain her from trying new things, for fear of not living up to your expectations. In addition, frequent praises can make her expect the same from others, and failure to get it can cause anger and frustration. No matter how much you dislike certain habits of your spouse, do not make negative statements about him or her in front of your children, as it makes them uncomfortable. Further, they may assume that you do not respect each other. Don't forget, your children should respect both parents, and not just one. If you don't respect your spouse, your children will also not respect him or her. If you constantly criticize your spouse, or compare your child with him or her by saying, "You're just like your dad or mom", it can be emotionally harmful for your child. Divorced parents, especially, should not bad-mouth each other in front of their children. This will cause them not only to withdraw from you, but they will also lose respect for both of you. Every child is special and has his or her unique personality. But, when you compare your child to her siblings, peers, or other kids, you're asking her to be different. Comparison may make her feel she is inferior, and no matter what she does, you are not going to appreciate her. Moreover, comparing children with their siblings can result in sibling rivalry. Sometimes we end up saying such things out of frustration that can hurt our children and make them feel unwanted. Saying something like 'Leave me alone', or 'You are making me really mad', can make them feel you don't have time for them. This can affect their thoughts and make them think there's no point talking to you. This can eventually spoil your relationship with them. Needless to say how hurtful it can be for your child when you tell her, "I wish you'd never been born", or "It's better to be childless than have a kid like you". Your child may feel unwanted, uncared for, and worst of all, such words can deter your relationship with your child. Children can sometimes fail to realize that their parents can also feel negative at times, and the terrible words that slip from their mouth out of frustration do not reflect their actual emotions. So, try to control your anger, and be very careful about what you say, as words once spoken cannot be taken back. To motivate their children to work harder, or still do better, parents often say, "I know you could do better", or "You can try harder", as they think they are capable of doing much more. This can make them feel you are not satisfied with their efforts, and discourage them. Moreover, such words do not clearly explain exactly what you expect from them. They can have a negative impact on your children and can do exactly the opposite of motivating them. Calling your child a loser or an idiot, will make her feel humiliated and cause her to withdraw. Similarly, telling her she is mean, or lazy, will make her feel that meanness, or laziness is in her nature. Eventually, this will reflect on her behavior and she will lose her self-confidence. These words have the power to affect your child so badly, that she will never forget them. Hence, it is always better to focus on what you say instead of regretting later. As mentioned earlier, threats are not a good way to enforce discipline. The statement mentioned above however, is not only a threat but also an example of discipline that is postponed. Waiting for the father to come home to handle the situation is not a practical option, as by the time your husband gets home, your child may actually have forgotten what she did. Further, it can weaken your authority and instill a sense of fear in your child for her father, which can affect their relationship. Just to win an argument with your child, many a time you may end up saying, "Because I said so", without realizing that it denies your child's autonomy, giving her an impression that her feelings do not matter. Remember, children have the right to ask questions to learn and figure out things on their own. So, when you don't explain the reason behind your action, you deprive them from learning an important lesson in life. Parents often express their frustrations about their child's shortcomings, which irritates the child beyond reason. This can not only put unnecessary burden on your child to prove herself, but can also break her confidence. It is true that sometimes children say some really hurtful things, like "I hate you", but many parents make the mistake of answering them in the same manner. This is often done in the heat of an argument, without realizing that children can actually believe it and think their parents really find them annoying. As parents, we should learn to hold back our emotional outbursts, if we really want to avoid saying hurtful things to our children. If they say something really provocative, don't react immediately. Take some time and refocus on the main subject of your argument or discussion. If you think you are losing control over your emotions, leave the argument and tell them you will discuss it later. This will help you avoid saying things you don't want to.