"You can't have everything....where would you put it?". Didn't find it funny? Funny quotes are supposed to cheer you up when you are sad and lighten you up when you are bored. You will find many cheesy funny quotes on the Internet, that neither are funny or even worth half a smile. Well, if you too agree with me, then read my following assortment of really funny quotes, that will surely bring a smile on your face. Quotes and Sayings that are Funny 'Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.' 'Money is not everything. There's MasterCard & Visa.' 'Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.' 'Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children.' 'There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning.' 'When two's company, - three's the result!' 'Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.' - Mark Twain 'I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.' - Mark Twain 'There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane... ' 'I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.' - Rodney Dangerfield 'When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.' 'You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?' 'Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.' 'They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.' 'Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.' 'I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.' 'Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.' 'Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.' Funny Quotes about Life 'It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.' 'Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.' 'Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.' - Brendan Gill 'Life is painful, nasty and short... in my case it has only been painful and nasty.' - Djuna Barnes 'Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.' - Murphy's Law 'The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly - because if they don't speak fast nobody will listen to them.' 'Don't take life to seriously. No one gets out alive.' 'To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good, and divide between truth and error.' - Janet Coleman 'I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.' - Woody Allen 'You re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.' 'If we can't be free, we at least can be cheap.' - Frank Zappa 'When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder, how you did it.' You may say you have heard better ones. Well, that's good. That's because the main idea of cute funny sayings is to make one smile. I hope you do enjoy the small pleasures of life through this article on really funny quotes. Keep smiling.