really funny but true quotes
40 Really Funny But True Quotes
The one and only thing that people give magnanimously, without restraint, and with all enthusiasm, even when we genuinely don't need it is... FREE ADVICE. We all love things gratis but definitely not the aforementioned. In this Buzzle article we bring to you 40 really funny but true quotes of life that deeply reflect ironies of similar nature but in a lighter vein.
"I can resist everything except temptation."
"There is one universal concept that people all across the globe display ostentatiously at other's misery - non-essential concern. Especially, when they should be more concerned about their own burning backside." It is a gnawing but a funny truth of life. If people sprinkled even an iota of concern in their own lives, they will realize there's more drama and action to be dealt with than any other movie made. Well, this is just one funny frailty of humankind we pointed out and by the way, the exceptionally ordinary observer of this behavior taints with the same brush.
Life is larded with ironies and sarcasm, fellow mortals! And unless you personally get a chance to meet our maker and understand his true motives behind foisting you with some of the worst irritable specimen of human beings, or putting you in unsavory spots, you will have to learn to take them with a forced laugh or with a funny movement below our hips, at the worst. So, Ladies and Gents, when life throws lemons at you, you just don't make a lemonade but put up a stall and sell it. And this is exactly what we will be doing through this article.
― Oscar Wilde
Really Funny But True Quotes
"It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission."
― Grace Hopper
"Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about."
― Sam Ewing
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
― Craig Marckwardt
"If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed."
― Lily Tomlin
"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
― Woody Allen
"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers."
― Doug Larson
"A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist."
― Franklin P. Jones
"Everything is funny as long as it's happening to somebody else."
― Will Rogers
"The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one."
― Erma Bombeck
"Life's disappointments are harder to take if you don't know any swear words."
― Bill Watterson
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
― Erica Jong
"A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name."
― Evan Esar
"Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back."
― Oscar Wilde
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
― Margaret Mead
"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"
― Jean Kerr
"People are too durable, that's their main trouble. They can do too much to themselves, they last too long."
― Bertolt Brecht
"If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research."
― Wilson Mizner
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
― Oscar Wilde
"Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."
― Mark Twain
Funny Quotes to put on Facebook
"Deep down I'm a very shallow person."
"The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance."
"Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics."
"As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold."
"No one is listening until you fart."
"Why do people say "no offense" right before they're about to offend you?"
"The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook."
"Believe it or not, everybody has their problems, some of us just prefer not to discuss them on Facebook."
"The best way to lie is to tell the truth . . . carefully edited truth."
"Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong."
"When your dreams turn to dust, it's time to vacuum."
Really Funny But True Quotes about Love and Relationships
"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
― Rita Rudner
"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."
― George Burns
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."
― Richard Jeni
"By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong."
― Charles Wadsworth
"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
― Socrates
"To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful."
― Bess Myerson
"Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning handsprings or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it."
― Helen Rowland
"Love is like any other luxury. You have no right to it unless you can afford it."
― Anthony Trollope
"The head never rules the heart, but just becomes its partner in crime."
― Mignon McLaughlin