Be it her movie quotes or otherwise, Mae West quotes on men, marriage, sex, and age have left many agape or smiling at the sheer sparkle of intelligence. This Hollywood actress, who also happened to pen quite a few screenplays and dramas, chose to be licentious in order to challenge the orthodox fetters of a conveniently peaceful society adhering to norms. Dripping with wit and reality, West stunned everyone with her funny sayings, while providing some really interesting insight into various aspects of life. Witty Quotes "Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" ~ Said to a LAPD official in charge of her security and accompanying her home from the airport. "Virtue has its own reward, but no sale at the box office." "Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is." "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." ―Klondike Annie "A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that's subtraction." "An ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises." "Personality is the most important thing to an actress's success." "One and one is two; two and two is four; and "five will get you ten" if you work it right!" ―My Little Chickadee "You can say what you like about long dresses, but they cover a multitude of shins." "I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it." "I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond." "I never loved another person the way I loved myself." "I like restraint, if it doesn't go too far." "It ain't no sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any." "I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." "Too much of a good thing can be taxing." "You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." "I enjoyed the courtroom as just another stage but not so amusing as Broadway." "I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing." "To err is human, but it feels divine." "There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out." On Men "If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning" is what the lady had once said. But very interestingly most of her quips on men were double-edged alright. Keep your gray cell alert and you'll know just how. "A hard man is good to find. "I only have 'yes' men around me. Who needs 'no' men?" "Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella." "A man in the house is worth two in the street." ―Belle of the Nineties "A man's kiss is his signature." "Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain." "I only like two kinds of men, domestic and foreign." ―I'm No Angel "A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him." "When women go wrong, men go right after them." ―She Done Him Wrong "Love thy neighbor - and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier." "Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer somewhere else." "Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for." "Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you." "A man in love is like a clipped coupon - it's time to cash in." "I see you're a man with ideals. I better be going before you've still got them." "He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of." "His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork." "It's not the men in your life that matters, it's the life in your men." ―I'm No Angel "I like a man who's good, but not too good - for the good die young, and I hate a dead one." On Love "Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache." "Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art." "Look your best - who said love is blind?" "A woman in love can't be reasonable - or she probably wouldn't be in love. " On Age Mae West quotes about age are somehow indicative of the greater influence of psychology on the process of aging rather than the effect of chronology on men. "Women are as old as they feel and men are old when they lose their feelings." "You're never too old to become younger." On Sex and Sexuality If her takes on men have stunned you, hold on till you read what follows. "I didn't discover curves; I only uncovered them." "I used to be Snow White, but I drifted." ―I'm No Angel "I speak two languages, Body and English." "Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided." "I believe that it's better to be looked over than it is to be overlooked." "I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action." "It takes two to get one in trouble." "I've been in more laps than a napkin." "Any time you got nothing to do - and lots of time to do it - come on up." "He who hesitates is a damned fool." "It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men." "Sex is emotion in motion." "The best way to hold a man is in your arms." "How tall are you without your horse? Six foot, seven inches. Never mind the six feet. Let's talk about the seven inches!" ―A suggestion to a young, upcoming actor in 'Myra Breckinridge'. "I consider sex a misdemeanor; the more I miss, de meaner I get." "Sex with love is the greatest thing in life. But sex without love - that's not so bad either." "She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong." "Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired." "When I'm good, I'm very good. When I'm bad, I'm better." ―I'm No Angel "Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly." "I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure." "I've been things and seen places." "The score never interested me, only the game." Mae West on Marriage "Opportunity knocks for every man, but you have to give a woman a ring." "A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up." "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution." Funny Mae West Quotes "It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean." "All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else." Sophisticated enough to turn a few heads, it was her brilliant play with words that tweaked the emotions in one's head. After all, she did appropriately announce, "It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it."