low self esteem in children
Low Self-esteem in Children
Low self-esteem in kids is something that is very common and is also taken for granted. A child with low self-esteem is a very sorry sight, and no parents want to see their child in that condition. Sadly, many a time, they are the reason behind it, and they don't realize that they are the only help. This article elaborately deals with self-esteem issues in children and how parents can deal with it.
- Shyness: A child suffering from low self-esteem is overly shy and will avoid meeting new people or facing new situations, till death. What parents have to understand is, that this extreme shyness is not normal. Shyness to some extent is acceptable, but if the child refuses to warm up at all, it should be considered a warning sign.
- Insecurity: Low self-esteem often gives rise to insecurities. An overly clingy child is often a sign of low self-esteem. By being clingy, a child ensures that a particular parent or a caretaker is always around. That way the child feels protected, and this also ensures that he/she doesn't have to talk to someone else.
- Fear: Unnecessary fears often erupt from low self-esteem. These children are afraid of trying new things, because they have already assumed that they will fail, and in most cases, they pity themselves. Normally, children are carefree and never think twice before jumping from a wall, but a child with low self-esteem may be too careful and not at all adventurous in the backyard.
- Procrastination: This is one major attribute that parents can easily observe. Children are known to be very curious when it comes to trying new things and experimenting, but a child with low self-esteem will be often seen putting off things for later. They do this because they are scared of failing. They just can't take failure positively and don't prefer to try.
- Pessimism: As already mentioned, these children pity themselves and are pessimists at heart. Even before trying something, they know they won't be able to do it. Parents may often hear statements like "I am such a loser" or "I always knew I can't do this", from a child suffering from low self-esteem.
- Perfection: Children with low self-esteem are mostly perfectionists. Because of their fear of failure, they tend to do things to the extent of perfection.
- Overdoing: Perfectionists always overdo things. A low self-esteem pushes the child to make sure that whatever he/she does, can't be criticized at all.
- Dependence: Children with low esteem will be sometimes highly dependent on their parents. They don't prefer making friends and practically don't have any, and hence, end up staying at home. These children mostly lack the ability to take a decision and need a parent around, constantly.
- Dumbly Bold: Sometimes, children suffering from low self-esteem become extremely and dumbly bold. This happens because of their inner urge of proving otherwise. Just to prove that they are not useless, they will take up something that normal children won't try, like something dangerous or embarrassing. In some cases, children with low self-esteem was very loud and bold, and they were mistaken to be actually very confident, which is not the case.
- The first and foremost thing to do is appreciate the gift, that your child is.
- Be a good role model. By being positive and happy, you can guide your child towards a fulfilling life.
- Don't compare your one kid with the other, or your kid with some top performer of your locality.
- Be appreciative of whatever small thing that your child has achieved. A pat on the shoulder does wonders that even words cannot achieve.
- Try to convert your child's weakness into some advantage of his/her, rather than criticizing always. It is totally fine to be a critic in your child's life, but there are better ways of doing so.
- Identify with your child's fears. The kiddish fears may be small to you, but they are huge for him and it may be coming in the way of his growth.
- Motivate your child. Not everyone is a born genius, but a little motivation may work wonders.
- When you listen to your kid commenting negatively about himself/herself, immediately go up to your kid and tell him/her that no one is perfect and there are surely many things he/she is good at, like having a close circle of friends, good grades in school or being good at sports, etc.
- Independence is one totally misunderstood virtue. Parents often claim that they have given their children all the space they need, but sometimes they forget to let them 'be themselves'. The freedom of being yourself is like the freedom to breathe. It is totally understandable to teach your kids your principles, but it is equally important to let them have their own set of principles also. Let the child learn from mistakes, when it is not possible to teach him with yours.
- Be a friend to your child, learn what he/she is good at, what he/she does not like, what is bothering him/her, and then guide your kid towards his/her strengths. Make your kid aware of the weaknesses but along with the solutions, about how you can together work them out.
- Trust your child, that way he/she will gain some confidence. Moreover, kids are not always wrong, even if they are, they will learn from the mistakes, and of course for the consequences you are there.
- Let them take part in the important decisions and discussions around the house. Involve them in activities that boost their esteem; like while buying a new TV, you can always include the kid in the conversation and ask what he/she thinks about some particular model, or which one would he/she like and why.
- Kids with self-esteem issues have difficult feelings (so do others, at times) and to solve some problem, they throw a fit, vent their anger on their younger siblings and this demeanor becomes a routine. Don't encourage or pity the child. At times, as a parent, you have to be firm. You have to teach them to deal with their emotions before such incidences keep increasing, or else kids will continue this "acting out" conduct in their life for every little thing that annoys them. There may be instances where your child has to finish tough school assignments, or he/she may perform poorly in a test. You have to teach your child to cope with such events, manage his/her emotions, pick himself/herself up and make a wholehearted attempt again.
- Teach the child the importance and meaning of failure. Explain what it means to fail, and how he/she has to get back to the task and try it again. Give examples of your life, your failures, and teach your child to accept failure with a smile.
- Don't write off your baby as good-for-nothing. Never ever do that. Even if you don't say that, children tend to notice what you feel.
- Avoid being negative when the child is around. Talking negative about him, about yourself, about anything, should be avoided. Imbibe positive thinking in your as well as your child's life.
- Don't criticize, discuss the problems and come up with solutions and not nagging and scolding.
- Don't punish offensively. Punishments are required sometimes to convey the rules to kids, but they should be such that they don't hurt their pride.
- Don't be over protective. Let the child make his/her own decisions. Discuss the pros and cons rather than implicating your decisions on the child.
- Don't praise the child in excess for his/her achievements. Be normal with the appreciation, because children tend to notice the excessive praise, and even if they don't, they will go on the wrong side of confidence.