humorous quotes

Humorous Quotes

They say that a day without laughter is a day wasted! So here is a compilation of some humorous quotes that are bound to make sure your day is not wasted.

With mounting pressures and grouchy behavior on the rise, what can act as a better stress buster than a list of funny quotes? Listed below are some such quotes to tickle your funny bone. This list will definitely bring at least a smile on the face of even the most stressed out person. Here's to a good laugh! Alcoholism I'm not as think as you drunk I am. - Mega Jones The best beer in the world, is the open bottle in your hand! - Danny Jansen Irish coffee is the perfect breakfast because it contains all four adult food groups: fat, sugar, caffeine and alcohol. - Anonymous It was a woman who drove me to drink and I never got the chance to thank her. - W.C. Fields Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. - Winston Churchill Beauty lies in the eye of the beer holder. - Anonymous When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Henny Youngman I exercise strong self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - W.C. Fields Love and Relationships Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork. - Pearl Bailey You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories. - Melanie Clark Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. - Rodney Dangerfield I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. - Jimmy Carter Quotes on Age You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. - Bob Hope I used to have Mad Cow's disease, but I'm alright Nooooooooow. - Billy Connolly No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. - Oscar Wilde One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it's such a nice change from being young. - Dorothy Canfield Fisher Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. - Bob Hope Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. - Jack Benny Just for Laughter I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell. - Garry Shandling Humor is also a way of saying something serious. - T.S. Eliot Time is God's way to keep everything from happening at once. - James Brown If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else! - Yogi Berra Drawing on my fine command of the language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley I don't care what is written about me as long as it isn't true. - Katherine Hepburn When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. - Anne Bancroft Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.. - Diana Jordan. A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. - Gloria Steinem Life is too short to spend it in worry and stress. Laughter is free and the best medicine around. Give yourself a daily dose of this medicine and take out the time to enjoy humor.

Похожие статьи