humor quotes and sayings
Humor Quotes and Sayings
Everyone loves funny quotes! So here are some more humor quotes and sayings to lighten and crack you up till you have tears running down your cheeks.
There is something about good quotes which makes them immortal. It may be just a momentary flash of wisdom from the person, but people remember it for ages! They bring humor and laughter into our lives by lightening up the mood. They also help break the ice between two people. The person who quoted some of these immortal lines may not even remember that they have said these sometime.
It is a moment's brilliance which lasts a long time, packed in one punching statement! So, if you are feeling low and gloomy, read some of the most humorous quotes given below. Well, they'll bring a smile to your face and brighten up your mood instantly.
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Funniest Quotes and Sayings
"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."
― Jerry Seinfeld
"Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a "built"?"
― Jerry Seinfeld
"I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?"
― Jerry Seinfeld
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
― Anonymous
"When you fall, I will be there to catch you ― With love, the floor."
― Anonymous
"Well, Clive, it's all about the two M's ― movement and positioning."
― Ron Atkinson
"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I've finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."
― Dave Barry
"A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon."
― Anonymous
"I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet."
― Anonymous
"I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it."
― Anonymous
"My parents told me "You watch too much TV and should try reading more!" So I turned on the subtitles."
― Anonymous
"Now there are more overweight people in America than average―weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution."
― Jay Leno
"I once said Gazza's (Paul Gascoigne) IQ was less than his shirt number and he asked me: 'What's an IQ?"
― George Best
"Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff."
― Anonymous
"People say that love is even more important than money; they have ever tried paying their bills with a hug."
― Anonymous
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes."
― Frieda Norris
"Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off."
― Ralph Bus
"Monday again? Seriously though, I cannot keep doing this every week!"
― Anonymous
"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."
So, these were quotes and sayings that are pure gold when it comes to being hilarious. We're sure that these quotes must have had you in splits by now! Whenever you feel dull and gloomy, you know what to read!― Woody Allen