"Your ex owes you nothing. A sense of entitlement to an ex is like being fired from a job & still expecting pay. Be gone."
- Unknown
It's finally over now. You have had your bouts of crying and hurling things and bad words at each other. You have deleted or blocked access, changed your status on social networking sites, and all that melodrama has taken a backseat. Or perhaps you were lucky to have a mutual breakup without breathing fire at each other.
You moved out in a hurry, but wait, you simply forgot to collect your belongings. And now you want your stuff back. Your cashmere, your favorite DVDs, sweatshirts, video games, favorite coffee mug, or even your mum's silver! Perhaps, there is even a pile of things you have that you want to return to your ex. And yes, we all know that breakups can never be easy, irrespective of the duration of courtship. So, in such a sticky situation, dealing with the 'exchange-of-belongings' business can be a task. This Buzzle article gives you a few neat ways to get your stuff back after a breakup; they can definitely help you save an awkward confrontation.
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Claiming the Ex-files
Well, come on, even if you put years of affection in your relationship, nobody has the right to keep your favorite baseball cap or fine China collectibles. So, your history of relationship has nothing to do with claims here. Get going with these tips below.
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Decide What You Want, and If You Really Want Your Stuff Back
Before you actually decide to get all your belongings, take your time and think if you really need all that stuff back. There is no harm in asking for things which mean a lot to you. You don't want to go back for a silly mug that has your picture with your ex in happier times on it. Now that would be lame. You could let go a sweatshirt, perhaps buy another pair of slippers, instead of staging a brave act of facing your ex again. So do not confront simply to take revenge and hurl a few more abuses at your ex. Be reasonable.
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Make a List
So, you were absolutely swept off your feet with those beautiful eyes a year ago, you thought you met your soulmate, and you packed your stuff and moved in. Now what? You almost have your entire world of belongings settled in your ex's house. In such cases, when there are more things to 'claim', an easy way would be to make a list of things that you want to be returned. You don't want to be digging around the house, wasting time finding your stuff and then deciding what you need. Well, it is always better to take the high road and leave things that you both bought together. But again, that is a personal choice.
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Give Some Time for Wounds to Heal
He cheated on you. You are devastated and boiling with anger, revenge, and hatred. Now, wait for all these emotions to subside. Don't storm into your ex with anger-fueled eyes, screaming, while asking for your stuff to be returned. You may be tempted to do this, so as to hurt your ex. However, calm down and go back to collect stuff only when you are neutral and sober. With this in the picture, it is also advisable to wait for a week or two and not months. Going back to return or collect your stuff after a long time (two months and more) may indicate that you are simply finding reasons to meet your ex, missing him/her, or are trying to reconnect.
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Choose the Right Mode of Communication
The breakup went ugly and you courageously screamed, "I hate your crummy voice!" Ok. Now you need to convey that you need your belongings back. Be confident (in most cases) that he/she is not going to pick up your calls (considering if you really said the above!). And even if he/she does, you don't want an abuse poked right in your face, do you? Hence, in such a case, it is always safe to send a text message. It is reliable and practical. Plus, it makes you look matured and in control of the situation.
Emails are also an option, but not preferred as much. Firstly, they come across as too formal and may be considered rude at times. Then comes the luxury of using unlimited words in the email. You don't want to send a
saga of tears or hatred, of how the breakup is affecting you, how miserable/happy you are without your ex, and so on. A text message will limit the use of words and you from overreacting while you type.
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Choose a Formal Method That Does Not Hurt You or Your Ex
"I don't want to see your face ever, you jack***!", is what you said while breaking up. Don't panic, you can still get your stuff back without seeing his face. Asking your ex to mail you all your belongings is a considerate option. Simply send him/her the list, and ask him/her to wrap it all in a box and ship it to you. Another option would be asking your ex to drop the box at your office or your parents/friend's home. This way, your ex can have a chance to say goodbye to your parents (if they knew him/her closely, that is).
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Ask a Friend to Help
Friends can come as saviors after a breakup. You could ask a friend to go over and collect all your stuff from your ex. This way, you can both avoid contact and bitterness. Simply send your friend over to collect your stuff from your ex's house. You also might want to send a common friend over to collect your belongings. This way, your ex will also not be uncomfortable handing over stuff to an unknown person.
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Pick It Up Yourself
Come on, it wasn't that bad after all. Remember those moments filled with love and those ... OK stop!! Wake up. Fine, if you decide to personally collect your stuff from your ex, (you may not rely on your friend always; he may miss out on finding your favorite video game, those expensive sunglasses, or that moron simply wouldn't do it for you!) In such a case, ask your ex for a suitable time to collect all your stuff. Choose a time when he/she is not there at home. Ask your ex to keep everything in a box, so that you can simply pick it up and leave. If your ex has a doorman, ask for your stuff to be kept in the lobby which is convenient.
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Keep it Formal. Pick Up Your Stuff and Leave
You personally want to pick up your stuff, but you have to do so, when your ex is home (you dumped her, and so, maybe she doesn't want you to enter her house alone). You can go and collect stuff, but remember to keep your goals and focus clear! All you want to do is go in, collect all your stuff, and walk out. No small talk, no bitter stares. In fact no stares at all. You don't want to fall for those puppy eyes again, or melt with small (buttery) talk! You might want to avoid any sort of close confrontation, which also means no breakup sex or make-up sex. (At all. That is just too cliched! Guaranteed for disaster!)
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It is OK to Be Possessive of the Gifts
Gifts cannot be returned, so don't expect them back. It is lame of you or your ex to even ask for them. A gift is something that was bought out of love and affection, exclusively for a loved one. It is a cheap stunt to ask back for 'all-that-I-ever-gave-you'. In rare cases, if your ex does ask for gifts to be returned, be proud and happy that you are no longer with a jerk! Act mature, and return the gifts (with loads of sarcasm of course!).
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Always Return Family Heirlooms
Well, he proposed with his grandma's aquamarine studded in silver. Unfortunately, things didn't work because of blah ... blah ... blah. OK. End of story. Princess, you're never really getting married to this guy now, so it is time you returned the ring. Family belongings that are given as gifts can be asked to be returned and must be returned, ideally. Be polite, and ask for them to be returned.
Lastly, if all the above fails, and your ex still does not budge (and you have some really serious stuff to be returned), you might want to take legal help to get things sorted. On the other side, don't start burying or burning stuff of your ex after breaking up. If he/she does not ask for anything to be returned, be kind enough to take lead and return everything. You may want to leave a few things back with your ex. Returning or asking for every smallest thing conveys that you never meant anything to him/her. It is alright to leave a short memorabilia. So, it's over and you need to move on; do so, but with grace and maturity.
