We all need a little bit of humor in our lives in order to get us through the tough times and bring a smile on our faces. Here are some hilarious short quotes which are quite amusing. Funny Everyday Quotes These quotes should tickle your funny bone or bring a smile to your face. Have fun browsing through these. ☂ The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. ~ Robert Bloch ☂ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ☂ I can resist everything except temptation. ~ Oscar Wilde ☂ Constipated people don't give a crap. ☂ The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. ~ Quentin Crisp ☂ I am fond of children - except boys. ~ Lewis Carroll ☂ People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. ~ Leo J. Burke ☂ When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick. ~ George Burns ☂ Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. ☂ There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. ☂ Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils. ~ Louis Hector Berlioz ☂ If you can't fix it with duct tape, you haven't used enough. ☂ If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. ☂ Nobody goes where the crowds are anymore. It's too crowded. ~ Yogi Berra ☂ No, I don't have a solution, but I certainly admire the problem. ~ Ashleigh Brilliant ☂ Strike while your employer has a big contract. ☂ Committee - a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours. ~ M. Berle ☂ Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. ☂ Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. ~ Dave Barry ☂ If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn't show up. ~ Dr Seuss ☂ Hermits have no peer pressure. ☂ Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. ☂ I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. ~ Douglas Adam ☂ Experience is the sinking feeling you have made this mistake before. ☂ I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. ~ Les Dawson ☂ If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving is surely not meant for you. These quotes can turn frowns into smiles and change one's mood from grouchy to pleasant. Share these with those you love to give them something to smile about before they get on with their day.