In other words, a euphemism is a word or phrase that you're obliged to use to prevent being termed politically and/or morally incorrect (read crude and callous), even though that's exactly what you want to be. It aims to soften the insensitive blow that a socially 'unacceptable' statement might give. It also adds a sense of grandeur and glamor to words, and makes them more 'respectful' and 'appropriate' to use in the presence of others. In this article, we'll explore the world of some commonly and some not-so-commonly used euphemisms. Peter Farb, a noted author and linguist, claimed that a lot of euphemisms have their roots in Latin words. The happenings mentioned in the statement given above are supposed to have taken place sometime in the 11th century in England (big surprise). So basically, when someone needs to speak about something that is either taboo or not-to-be-spoken-of openly, he is ethically and morally compelled to use a painstakingly long and roundabout approach to it rather than say it outright (what fun!). Today, with the magnified scrutiny of each and every published word and statement, it has become necessary to be very, verrrry careful with what you have to say. Don't worry. The English language has taken care of that for you. It has given you perfectly acceptable substitutes for its own words, so that you may not be socially awkward in a situation that demands that you be totally prop-ah! Here is a list of words and terms you should be using instead of some of their rude and obnoxious (but most direct) counterparts.

You don't say...	You say...
Defecate or Urinate or Bathroom or Toilet	Do your business Go to the loo Relieve yourself Powder your nose Answer nature's call Restroom W.C. Porcelain palace Tinkle pantry Water closet Comfort station Place of convenience
He/She is dead	He/She Kicked the bucket Passed away Passed on Bit the dust Is pushing up the daisies Is demised Is no more Is resting in peace Is six feet under
Have Sexual Intercourse	Make love Sleep with Get it on Act like rabbits Do it Do the dirty Get laid Get naughty Pass the gravy
Murder/Kill	Neutralize Take down Whack Erase Defuse Terminate
Old	Over the hill Chronologically gifted Mature
Fire someone	Lay off Let go
Be Sick	Be indisposed Be under the weather
Pornography	Adult entertainment
War	Armed intervention
Homosexual	He bats for the other side
Unemployed	Between jobs
Lie	Categorical inaccuracy
Wrinkle	Character line
Civilian casualties	Collateral damage
Prostitute	Comfort women
Prison	Correctional facility
Used/Second-hand	Pre-owned
Dead body	Remains
Have a low semen count	Shoot blanks

In a time when every single word that someone says is minutely dissected and analyzed to find what 'he actually meant' euphemisms can come quite handy, don't you think? We'll leave you with an excerpt from a poem by an unknown person, who has managed to perfectly grab the essence of these painfully polite words and phrases.

...When Nature is calling, plain speaking is out, When ladies, God bless 'em, are milling about, You make water, wee-wee, or empty the glass; You can powder your nose; "Excuse me" may pass; Shake the dew off the lily; see a man 'bout a dog; Or when everyone's soused, it's condensing the fog, But be pleased to consider and remember just this - That only in Shakespeare do characters piss! You may speak of a movement, or sit on a seat, Have a passage, or stool, or simply excrete; Or say to the others, "I'm going out back," Then groan in pure joy in that smelly old shack. You can go lay a cable, or do number two, Or sit on the toidy and make a do-do, But ladies and men who are socially fit Under no provocation will go take a shit!...